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[xtotallyxXxrandomx]'s profile
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- Member since
- Nov 10th, 2007
- Profile Viewed
- 103 Times
- Last login:
- Apr 17th, 2008
Newest Creations
| Type | Title & Info | Average Rating |
|---|---|---|
| poems |
~.:Dreams.Fail.Xx |
5.00 |
| stories |
Never Left Behind [A Sega Story] - 1 - The Change |
4.50 |
Friends
![[0totallyrandom0]](/user_images/[/[0/[0T/[0TOTALLYRANDOM0]/1216241154_4515_full.jpeg){kind=small}
Latest Journal Entry
November 30, 2007
More Than Imaginable.
this hurt more than you can imagine.[I'll try to make it quick]
i have a best friend, which is something new to me, because I am usually friendless and an outcast. thats not important.
anyway, he had a girlfriend a little while ago, and this girl, oh, she was all he cared about. nothing mean would ever come to his mind about her, he just cared so much about her. so much.
she didnt share the affections, and broke up with him 3 months after they had been going out. that was hard. i dont like seeing my friends in pain, it hurts me as well. more than they can comprehend.
he hadnt liked anyone for months after that. i dont blame him. but why does he have to pick suck assholes to go out with?
so...thats when....i started to like him. wich isnt allowed, i cant go out with my best friend. and, all my friends that are girls are in love with him, i couldnt backstab any of them jsut for a guy. thats just...sinking so low.
well, i had been talking to him on the phone last night. i asked him if he liked anyone. usually when i do this he says no rather sadly, but this time he was all quiet. i was suprized. i was praying to God it wasnt me, even no matter how much i wanted him to like me, i cant make that sacrifice, just for one guy, and hurt all my other friends like that. i was still hoping, that one day, he would like me though. its what i fell asleep thinking, what i woke uo with, what i walked to school with. just that small hope. because, once he find a hgirl he likes, he will like her for forever. he even likes his x-girlfriends. and...the problem is, im a freshman in highschool same as he, and...he wants to find someone to spend the rest of his life with. its just not going to happen in high school. ever.
so, he went silent, with the guessing game. i had spent almost an hour trying to guess, and he wasnt giving any helpful hints. finally he told me, and all the hints he was giving me was closer and closer to me.
i shouldnt have gotten my hopes up.
he likes the girl in english class...the one behind me.
all that time. i had hoped, for all that time., that it might have been me. just once. to be cared about, to be sure that he wasnt going to cheat on me. but...it wasnt ment for me. not now, not ever. and i cant do anything about it, because i cant tell him i like him. its just not allowed. not for best friends.
but, to hear her name...she must be smart, she must be pretty. she has everything i dont...except boobs and a butt of some sort. and...i just should not have been that stupid. i wont let myself think anything will come out of this again.
hes only a freind. thats all it will ever be. Ever.
so, last night, after he hung up, i just sat on my bed and sobbed. i havent cried in years. but this time, my pillow was drenched, i sobbed like i never have before.
and i promiused i would never get like this. it isnt like me.
and, i really am happy for him, and her, thats why i havent told her anything, and im not mad at her all. and ive been treating everyone the same.
isnt it amazing what you can hide behind a fake smile?
and to hear her name, to watch him have his eyes on her every second...
it hurts more than you can imagine.
[dont bother to comment, this is worthless.]
